Your Personal Legend

Right now repeat after me: "I am responsible for my own circumstances." If you don't believe that, then start some serious reading, thinking and studying about life. If you are not happy, it's your own damn fault. And I am looking in a mirror as I write these words to all of you (all three of you, I think).

Here is a great thought from George Bernard Shaw. (I'd love to find out he's related, but I doubt it's true.) "People are always blaming their circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." And thus I begin my effort to start a private practice of law and mediation.

There are fears all of us face. None of us are alone in these fears, although we all assume that "successful people" don't have these fears. Baloney. Successful people have simply faced their fears and proceeded in spite of those fears. They use proper planning and discipline to overcome those fears.

Fear of rejection. This usually emanates out of our self doubt. We doubt ourselves and assume others will likewise judge us. We look into their eyes and see our own self-condemnation. This is pitiful and unfair to ourselves. So next time you face a challenge and the obstacle that rears itself is a fear of being rejected, of having your ideas or your role in an organization rejected, ask yourself, "What would I do if I weren't afraid of that rejection." Eliminate, on a hyptothetical basis, your fear of rejection. Look at what lies ahead if you are successful and imagine, instead that success. Then plunge ahead before that negative fear creeps back into your mind.

Fear of failure. How many times did I not try a lawsuit because I feared or my client feared or my opponent feared failure? I would say that every time a case settles it's because someone fears failure. Often times, it's a rational, calculated assessment of risk that makes the decision appropriate. It's not really the fear that dictates the action, it's risk assessment. But if that decision is based instead upon my fear that I may fail to do something or I may do something wrong in trial, then my fear of failure has improperly influenced my decision. I have allowed fear of failure to dictate the action I take. It's a rational response to an irrational fear. Again, imagine the hypothetical situation. Imagine that you have no risk of loss. Imagine that you have no risk of failure, what action would you take? Then, calculate in, on a rational basis, the risk of loss the real risk of failure and see if, on balance, the risk is worth taking.

Failure is never all bad and often it serves us better, in the long run, than success. In the first case I lost, I learned more than I learned in all the cases I ever won and certainly lots more than the thousands more I settled. So that one "failure" was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It made me a much better lawyer. Think of all the young athletes you knew who were good at an early age because of natural talent, who were eclipsed in later years by kids who had less physical talent. The latter kids worked harder because of their failures and overcame their weaknesses. They used failure to motivate themselves to be better and in the end, triumphed.

There are many fears. I won't belabor my point. Fear of success, fear of pain, fear of crowds, snakes, heights, etc. Which ever of these most influences your life, work on it. Accept it for what it is. Imagine that the feared outcome can't happen and ask yourself how you would act if that fear did not exist.

Talk to a friend outloud. Write down your thoughts and re-read them later. When you talk outloud to a third party, when you write down your thoughts and re-read them, you will challenge your thinking. You will begin to see that the fear has no logical basis for dictating your decision.

I like Paul Coehlo's writing. He wrote The Alchemist and The Fifth Mountain among other books. The former is a wonderful story of a man who pursues his "personal legend." At one point in the story the man has the chance to abandon his ultimate goal and instead lead a comfortable life. But he chooses to pursue his goal. His analysis is prescious. He recognized that he might be happy for a year, but after a year he would always wonder, "what if?" And he would never be truly happy. So he risked all the short term benefits and immediate gain to pursue his dream, knowing that it was more important to have tried to reach his goal, than to abandon the goal and always wonder about his choice.

To go on such a journey, you have to have faith in yourself and faith in your "personal legend." Why are you here on earth? What do you want to accomplish? You have to be able to visualize what it is you want, where you want to be, and keep that vision clearly in focus in all that you do. Do not let the distractions of day to day life divert you from that vision. You have to have faith that you are here for a reason. The reason is not what most of us strive for. It is not to become rich and have lots of possessions. It is not to have a great job and have power and influence. Rather, you need to assess, deep down inside of you what goal in life is truly important to you. Then visualize that as your reality and begin to plan what steps you need to take in your life, what changes you need to make to reach that lofty goal. And don't let another person, financial pressure or your fears take away your goals. Keep dreaming, believe in yourself and most of all believe in your "personal legend." Believe that you have a special purpose in life and that a steady and determined march toward that goal will bring you happiness and fulfillment.

Good luck and Godspeed!

Faith

Life is amazing. Perhaps its God that's amazing. I haven't figured that out yet. But I'm working on that.

I have a propensity to mull on things way too much. No, mull is not the right word. Ruminate. It can be endless. If I get something in my mind, I will examine it 1000 different ways, many just minor variants from the others.

So recently, as part of a discussion I was involved in, we agreed to pray to the Holy Spirit. None of us had regularly prayed to the Holy Spirit and had no idea what to expect. So we agreed to report back in a week.

I had no level of expectation and a great deal of skepticism to temper my faith in this exercise. But I was willing to try. And I've had my share of issues to talk to the Holy Spirit about. Especially one that I've ruminated upon way too much.

That first night, I woke up about 2:00 AM. My mind went into overdrive. Worrying, thinking, wondering, projecting risks into the future. Very worthless activity. But I couldn't stop. So I began to pray. I prayed to the Holy Spirit for 15 minutes. Stopped and listened. Heard nothing. Felt nothing. Wait. I felt nothing. No sense of anxiety. No sense of emptiness. No sense that I was walking on the edge and might easily slip into an abyss of the unknown. Soon, I fell asleep. At peace and no longer driven to turn things over in my head repeatedly.

The next day, I talked to a friend about a personal conflict that I had been worrying about. My friend said a few simple words that totally turned my head around. The conflict had been minimized and reversed with the simplest of thoughts on the matter.

So now I wonder. What was the source of his inspiration? How did I come to peace in such a short period of time when I had been ruminating on this subject for several weeks; maybe months. The simple answer is prayer. Faith. Belief. But I wasn't a true believer and I didn't have complete faith, yet some kind of peace came over me when least expected.

My wife keeps telling me that I must quit worrying about the future so much. That if I believe good things will happen, then they will happen. And when bad things happen to me, I tend to take them too personally. I tend to take on the role of the victim and feel sorry for myself. But, as I met with my mens group and we discussed among us the results of our prayers to the Holy Ghost, I began to mull my attitude. I began to see quite clearly that I needed to be positive and have faith in the future. Have belief that I will find that which I want. And a very positive wave of faith came over me. So let's wait and see what happens.

I know God doesn't answer every prayer the way we want. I know God doesn't work on the timeline we set out for ourselves. So patience is the key; faith the linchpin that holds our lives together. It may not be a faith in God. But still it's faith. So whether you believe in God or not, you must have faith. Faith in yourself, faith in your family, faith in your friends. While any of them might let you down, don't take it personally. And when you are weak, just as you need to forgive others, you must forgive yourself. We all are weak. We all have our failures. But believe in your friends and family and believe in yourself. And believe in your faith. Have faith. Then see how your life turns around. If prayer helps you or positive thinking helps you. Report in here. Our radios are tuned in.