Red Rubber Ball

Does anyone other than me remember this song?

Until today, I had no idea what it was really about. I rarely listened to lyrics. It's the melody that captures me. Particularly when I was a youngster. I heard catch phrases, refrains, but never the complexity of the song. Never the real depth of the words. Red Rubber Ball is just such a song. I love the song. It takes me back to being 13 years old, with nothing better to do all summer but hang at the pool and play cards. I used to play lots of War and Gin Rummy and 500. But finally, I learned to play Euchre and never turned back. I played Euchre all summer, every day, many hours.

That's where I meant to start this Blog. The power of Song. It can take you instantly back to a moment in life, it can transport you to an era. It can evoke emotions, rekindle love, trigger deep sadness. It's almost as powerful as Scent. Sometimes, it is more powerful.

The beauty of Song is that you can use it yourself to go whenever you want to go. Not whereever, Whenever. For example, I think of Stairway to Heaven, hum a few chords and I am dancing at the Fairgrounds to the music of SMD (Suck My Dick - I'm not kidding), the local garage band. They used to practice in the garage down the street on Briar Avenue. Or some of the harder Led Zeppelin takes me back to the parking lot of our highschool, where before school started, or after it was over, we'd crank up someone's 8 track player or cassette player and play Led Zeppelin as loud as possible or Allman Brothers or the Blues. Or better, the sound of David Bowie transports me to college. Instantly. I'm there. Or the same for Spirit (Who?), who my Freshman roommate loved, Edgar Winter, Doobie Brothers, Chicago, Pink Floyd and many others. Or the Temptations. the Four Tops and Santana and the Detroit Motown acts take me back to Senior year of highschool. We drove to South Carolina where I promptly got my front teeth knocked out after wearing braces for four years. But we rocked all the way down there to the sounds of Motown on Marc's 8 Track player as we sped along at 80-90 MPH. Especially Santana. "You've got to change your evil ways, Baby. I come home and the pots are cold." How cruel is that?

And today, forming new memories. It's interesting, I seem to have a major gap where music played little in my life. No great memories, no real standouts that transport me. Until the past year or two. Why is that? Perhaps because I've started to take more walks, I now own two MP3 players and use them to work out, drive and walk. So I've begun to search for music. As I listen music gets tied to memories. Jacqui Naylor is one of my recent favorites. So I'll likely remember her songs for the period when I was laid off and working out lots. I listened to her a lot while working out and really enjoy her sound. "Celebrate Early and Often", "City by the Bay", "Ain't No Sunshine When He's Gone." All remakes, I think, but she makes them very cool.

So perhaps MP3 has revived my memory stream. Hopefully, it will create a new set of memories to transport me back when I'm 70 or 80 or 90. Not sure I want to be 100. So if I'm ever in a coma, PLEASE, Rock my world. And add a little Jacqui Naylor so I can recall a few more recent memories as well. Be sure to play Crazy by Aerosmith too. I love that song. Talk about memories....

Stop, Drop and Roll

Stop reading this entry now. I have nothing to say.


















You dropped, we roll....

You can't live life well with a grudge. Without forgiveness. Without setting aside the little wrongs and the big wrongs. You can't live life well judging others. The more you judge others, the more you judge yourself and we never like ourselves very much. So, if I'm right, judging others makes us more unhappy. And I am always right. Well, sometimes, I am always right.

I had someone tell me once, "I can forgive, but I never forget." Huh? Just what does that mean? I think it means she doesn't really forgive.

I am blessed with a poor memory. With a few exceptions that my close friends know all about, I can't remember anything bad someone has done to me. Nothing that I want to act upon or vent about. But I know people that never forget, and who periodically like to remind the offender of their past sin. Their heads must be filled with bad thoughts and ill will toward a plethora of people. Thankfully, mine doesn't have room for all of that nonsense and neither should yours. Find some way to dump all of that baggage, shove it out the window and let it fall into a deep abyss, never to be seen again. And even the ones I remember, I no longer care about. They are just good stories from my past (or boring stories that I like to tell).

So stop throwing stones, or one will rebound off that glass wall and hit you in the head. Start finding positive things to think about other people. Find positive things to say about them to others. Begin to look for praise you can lay on your associate or neighbor or friend. Find 5 people this week who you will praise in front of someone else. Make it a habit.




When I started this entry, I really had nothing to say. A vague notion, perhaps, but nothing of substance. I hope something came of it. If nothing else, maybe you'll remember to remind your kids to Stop, Drop and Roll if their clothing catches on fire and it will save a life....

SS

Golf's Big Lessons

Golf, like life, is not a fair game. Just when you think you have it made, adversity strikes. If you keep your composure, maintain your positive thinking, good things will turn your game around.

In recent years, I found that concentration and a relaxed swing were the two most important keys to a good result. A relaxed swing depends upon you feeling comfortable with your swing, having confidence. Confidence comes from practice. Practice is a repeated pattern of trying and failing and trying some more until you become more successful by learning from your mistakes and changing how you swing the club. Mistakes are a critical aspect of success. If you don't try, you'll never succeed. As Tom Watson recently remarked, quoting the immortal Bobby Jones, "You learn from defeat, not victory."

Golf is largely a mental game. What amateur player doesn't struggle mightily after spending time with a professional who "corrects" their swing? Perhaps mechanically, you have a better swing, but it just doesn't feel quite right. So you have two choices. Believe in the professional's guidance or go back to what never worked quite well enough all your golfing life. Many will go back to their old swing because it is more comfortable. The results are predictable.

Yet, like life, we can make a better choice. We can pay attention to the good advice and do the things that are uncomfortable, the things we need to do to be successful in our "game." We need to take more bad swings to learn to make good swings. And eventually the new swing will become comfortable and familiar and will deliver better results.

Recently, at age 55, I opened my own law practice. I'm scared to death of failure. I have felt anxieties that I haven't experienced for years. But I feel positive nonetheless. I will make a lot of mistakes. I have made a few already. For two weeks, I have fallen into the very trap my counselor told me to be wary of. I have resolved to practice the uncomfortable swing he taught me; to fail repeatedly until I get my swing right. In the end, the results will be postive.

Your Personal Legend

Right now repeat after me: "I am responsible for my own circumstances." If you don't believe that, then start some serious reading, thinking and studying about life. If you are not happy, it's your own damn fault. And I am looking in a mirror as I write these words to all of you (all three of you, I think).

Here is a great thought from George Bernard Shaw. (I'd love to find out he's related, but I doubt it's true.) "People are always blaming their circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." And thus I begin my effort to start a private practice of law and mediation.

There are fears all of us face. None of us are alone in these fears, although we all assume that "successful people" don't have these fears. Baloney. Successful people have simply faced their fears and proceeded in spite of those fears. They use proper planning and discipline to overcome those fears.

Fear of rejection. This usually emanates out of our self doubt. We doubt ourselves and assume others will likewise judge us. We look into their eyes and see our own self-condemnation. This is pitiful and unfair to ourselves. So next time you face a challenge and the obstacle that rears itself is a fear of being rejected, of having your ideas or your role in an organization rejected, ask yourself, "What would I do if I weren't afraid of that rejection." Eliminate, on a hyptothetical basis, your fear of rejection. Look at what lies ahead if you are successful and imagine, instead that success. Then plunge ahead before that negative fear creeps back into your mind.

Fear of failure. How many times did I not try a lawsuit because I feared or my client feared or my opponent feared failure? I would say that every time a case settles it's because someone fears failure. Often times, it's a rational, calculated assessment of risk that makes the decision appropriate. It's not really the fear that dictates the action, it's risk assessment. But if that decision is based instead upon my fear that I may fail to do something or I may do something wrong in trial, then my fear of failure has improperly influenced my decision. I have allowed fear of failure to dictate the action I take. It's a rational response to an irrational fear. Again, imagine the hypothetical situation. Imagine that you have no risk of loss. Imagine that you have no risk of failure, what action would you take? Then, calculate in, on a rational basis, the risk of loss the real risk of failure and see if, on balance, the risk is worth taking.

Failure is never all bad and often it serves us better, in the long run, than success. In the first case I lost, I learned more than I learned in all the cases I ever won and certainly lots more than the thousands more I settled. So that one "failure" was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It made me a much better lawyer. Think of all the young athletes you knew who were good at an early age because of natural talent, who were eclipsed in later years by kids who had less physical talent. The latter kids worked harder because of their failures and overcame their weaknesses. They used failure to motivate themselves to be better and in the end, triumphed.

There are many fears. I won't belabor my point. Fear of success, fear of pain, fear of crowds, snakes, heights, etc. Which ever of these most influences your life, work on it. Accept it for what it is. Imagine that the feared outcome can't happen and ask yourself how you would act if that fear did not exist.

Talk to a friend outloud. Write down your thoughts and re-read them later. When you talk outloud to a third party, when you write down your thoughts and re-read them, you will challenge your thinking. You will begin to see that the fear has no logical basis for dictating your decision.

I like Paul Coehlo's writing. He wrote The Alchemist and The Fifth Mountain among other books. The former is a wonderful story of a man who pursues his "personal legend." At one point in the story the man has the chance to abandon his ultimate goal and instead lead a comfortable life. But he chooses to pursue his goal. His analysis is prescious. He recognized that he might be happy for a year, but after a year he would always wonder, "what if?" And he would never be truly happy. So he risked all the short term benefits and immediate gain to pursue his dream, knowing that it was more important to have tried to reach his goal, than to abandon the goal and always wonder about his choice.

To go on such a journey, you have to have faith in yourself and faith in your "personal legend." Why are you here on earth? What do you want to accomplish? You have to be able to visualize what it is you want, where you want to be, and keep that vision clearly in focus in all that you do. Do not let the distractions of day to day life divert you from that vision. You have to have faith that you are here for a reason. The reason is not what most of us strive for. It is not to become rich and have lots of possessions. It is not to have a great job and have power and influence. Rather, you need to assess, deep down inside of you what goal in life is truly important to you. Then visualize that as your reality and begin to plan what steps you need to take in your life, what changes you need to make to reach that lofty goal. And don't let another person, financial pressure or your fears take away your goals. Keep dreaming, believe in yourself and most of all believe in your "personal legend." Believe that you have a special purpose in life and that a steady and determined march toward that goal will bring you happiness and fulfillment.

Good luck and Godspeed!

Faith

Life is amazing. Perhaps its God that's amazing. I haven't figured that out yet. But I'm working on that.

I have a propensity to mull on things way too much. No, mull is not the right word. Ruminate. It can be endless. If I get something in my mind, I will examine it 1000 different ways, many just minor variants from the others.

So recently, as part of a discussion I was involved in, we agreed to pray to the Holy Spirit. None of us had regularly prayed to the Holy Spirit and had no idea what to expect. So we agreed to report back in a week.

I had no level of expectation and a great deal of skepticism to temper my faith in this exercise. But I was willing to try. And I've had my share of issues to talk to the Holy Spirit about. Especially one that I've ruminated upon way too much.

That first night, I woke up about 2:00 AM. My mind went into overdrive. Worrying, thinking, wondering, projecting risks into the future. Very worthless activity. But I couldn't stop. So I began to pray. I prayed to the Holy Spirit for 15 minutes. Stopped and listened. Heard nothing. Felt nothing. Wait. I felt nothing. No sense of anxiety. No sense of emptiness. No sense that I was walking on the edge and might easily slip into an abyss of the unknown. Soon, I fell asleep. At peace and no longer driven to turn things over in my head repeatedly.

The next day, I talked to a friend about a personal conflict that I had been worrying about. My friend said a few simple words that totally turned my head around. The conflict had been minimized and reversed with the simplest of thoughts on the matter.

So now I wonder. What was the source of his inspiration? How did I come to peace in such a short period of time when I had been ruminating on this subject for several weeks; maybe months. The simple answer is prayer. Faith. Belief. But I wasn't a true believer and I didn't have complete faith, yet some kind of peace came over me when least expected.

My wife keeps telling me that I must quit worrying about the future so much. That if I believe good things will happen, then they will happen. And when bad things happen to me, I tend to take them too personally. I tend to take on the role of the victim and feel sorry for myself. But, as I met with my mens group and we discussed among us the results of our prayers to the Holy Ghost, I began to mull my attitude. I began to see quite clearly that I needed to be positive and have faith in the future. Have belief that I will find that which I want. And a very positive wave of faith came over me. So let's wait and see what happens.

I know God doesn't answer every prayer the way we want. I know God doesn't work on the timeline we set out for ourselves. So patience is the key; faith the linchpin that holds our lives together. It may not be a faith in God. But still it's faith. So whether you believe in God or not, you must have faith. Faith in yourself, faith in your family, faith in your friends. While any of them might let you down, don't take it personally. And when you are weak, just as you need to forgive others, you must forgive yourself. We all are weak. We all have our failures. But believe in your friends and family and believe in yourself. And believe in your faith. Have faith. Then see how your life turns around. If prayer helps you or positive thinking helps you. Report in here. Our radios are tuned in.

Grace

Grace. What a beautiful word. Even Princess Grace, as beautiful and wonderful as she was, cannot fulfill the vision of this word. In religion it signifies the undeserved Grace of God, Who forgives us of our sins, regardless of how deserving, or not, we are to receive that forgiveness. But we have to ask and ask with true remorse and true regret in our hearts.

Grace, however, has a more tangible meaning to me. It is a word that sums up all that is good, or can be good, in a human being. It is the person who always makes you feel better about yourself. A Norman Vincent Peale in the flesh kind of person. It is that person, who regardless of their challenges in life, always put themselves second (or third, as the case may be) and who always looks out for the needs and wants and desires of others. Grace describes that person who is so beautiful on the inside that you never even consider whether she is beautiful on the outside because outer beauty is insignificant compared to inner beauty. And my friends will tell you, in my case, that must be one wonderful woman.

Grace is that state of being where one possesses no negative thoughts; no criticism of others, no racial prejudice, no sense of being a victim, no feelings of weakness, trouble or dis-harmony. Grace is a special place in the heart. It is a place, where regardless of creed, regardless of looks, regardless of religion, regardless of any external influence, one accepts you for what you are and makes you feel welcome, treasured, important and significant in their life and in the lives of others. It is a gift many of us wish we had, and of which few share, a gift which exemplifies that true sense of grace, of undeserved non-judgmental love and respect.

So what does it mean to you?

We don't stop playing...

Some quotes I like.

We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing. - George Bernard Shaw

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines> Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. - Mark Twain

Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching. - Satchel Paige

Success is a journey, not a destination. - Ben Sweetland

Feel the fear and do it anyway. - Susan Jeffers

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. - Albert Einstein

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. - Helen Keller

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. - Winston Churchhill

Be the change you want to see in the world. - Mahatma Gandhi

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Confuscious

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off of your goal. - Henry Ford

Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happiness is a choice. - Barry Neil Kaufman

They can because they think they can. - Virgil

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. - Sydney Harris

Many of lifes failures are people who who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas Edison

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they will never cease to be amused.

A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. - Sir Winston Churchhill

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. - e. e. cummings

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Treat people as if they are what they ought to be, and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming. - Goethe

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. - William Ward

How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives. - Annie Dillard

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. - Churchhill

We judge ourselves by what we feel we are capable of doing while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire. - William Yeats

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm. and adventures. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes wide open. - Jawaharlal Nehru